Is Friendship A Lost Cause?

A young man came to me so disappointed because the girl he was attracted to had just told him:"Could we just be friends?"
If one is looking for a relationship which includes romance or at least is open to it, but one is offered friendship instead, one could understandably be disappointed like this young man.
But think about it. Romance is like youth. As youth is a phase in life, so is romance a phase in a relationship that springs from it. Oh, of course there are couples who valiantly claim that they are as romantic as when they first met, but there too are people who claim that they feel youthful at 70 like they felt when they were 17. We will of course grant them their earnest claims.
But you romantics who have lived their romance long after the 5th year anniversary of your commitment to that relationship, come now, wont you say that your friendship forms a big chunk of your present relatedness to each other? In fact, I have met many couples who have celebrated their 70th wedding anniversary who cherish the friendship that they had nurtured through those years. If they are luck, with or without Viagra, romance and sex can still be a part of their togetherness. But friendship is the cake and romance and sex are the icing.
Going back to our young man, perhaps the young lady had offered him the cake without the icing. And of course, cakes do not look complete without the icing.
Plus, one doesn't usually get married just for friendship, though friends do sometimes get married.
In marriage, friendship is what develops as the marriage matures. When no friendship develops and the sex and romance have cooled - temporarily or permanently - the marriage goes caput. On the other hand, if a marriage just starts with friendship and no fireworks really occurred at the beginning, one or both partners may be strongly tempted to leave once the fireworks start with someone else. The usual claim is" I didn't really love him/her".
At present, we have ambivalent and even confused ideas about friendship.
Friendship between women is cool. But friendship between men is always suspect. And we don't have to spell out why that is.
Friendship is often times confused with a functional or work relationship. "Don't worry about the license. I'll talk to the girl at the office. She's a friend."
Anything beyond mere aquaintance can be labeled friendship. And friendship can be a group or an individual relationship. "A group of us friends got together..."
Because friendship may or may not be exclusive, it may or may not carry too much expectations. The shallower the relationship labeled friendship, the easier it is abandoned or cut without too much emotional pain.
This is what cheapens the notion of friendship. There are no commitment ceremonies, no license secured, nor certificate needed. There are no financial obligations essentially tied to friendship.
But by that same token, friendship is TOTALLY FREE. No law will bind you, no bank nor Social Security System will back you up. It is just you, totally you and your friend that will freely sustain your friendship. Every minute that your friendship survives is a grace. The friendship bond is a FREEDOM BOND.
The Gospel of John holds friendship in highest regard. It was only towards the end of Jesus' companionship with the Twelve that He called them friends. "I no longer call you slaves, because a slave does not know what his master is doing. I have called you friends because I have told you everything I have heard from my Father. It was not you who chose me, but I who chose you..."( John 15:16) All legally and financially- backed relationship carry the possibility of being slavishly adhered to precisely because of the backing of the law or the establishment which attaches financial liability on a relationship. But a relationship that springs forth from the most intimate communication of one's being ("everything I have heard from my Father") is solely based on such intimacy and stands on its own.
Friendship is therefore the mature form of any relationship.
Aquaintance can mature into friendship.
And so does romance. And marriage.
And sibbling relationships. And parent-child relationships.
And work relationships. In fact any relationship that is backed up by the only gift we can give: life. "Greater love than this no one hath, than he who lays down his life for his friend." John 15:14)
So friendship is not cheap. It is the pearly of great price. Ask God for one.
AND ASK GOD IF HE COULD BE ONE.